Thursday, June 01, 2006


man loses hand

Friday, April 21, 2006

just in case !

you pop over here and wonder how im getting on - then all you need to do is drop me a line at simontarling (at) gmail (dot) com and say hello - MSN users add that same address - or pop in usingthe chatango down there on the right ..

For now however my blogging days are over - You can find me over at b3ta - under a different name . .

other then that - click the tube link below to catch up with my films . . .

see ya

Friday, March 31, 2006

Sewn - The Feeling (awesome)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Holy Petrol cap Batman !

A man is being held by German police after walking into a petrol station with his wife's severed head in a bag. The 40-year-old man, of Turkish origin, was covered in blood when he approached the night counter at about 0400 GMT and asked the attendant to call the police.

Hamburg police said officers found the head in a bag on a grass verge and arrested the man, who was in a confused state and admitted killing his wife. The body of the woman, aged 39, was found in their nearby flat. Hamburg police spokeswoman Ulrike Sweden said the man seemed "a bit crazy" and may have to see a doctor before charges can be brought.

She said police found a large knife in the flat in Eissendorf, in the south of the city. "It seems he used the knife to kill his wife and cut off the head," she told the BBC News website. The couple's two children - girls aged 13 and six - were found in the flat and taken into police care. "It seems they didn't see the body or what was going on," the spokeswoman said. A motive for the attack is still unclear. Both the man and his wife were of Turkish origin, with German citizenship.

Half way through and . . .

Medal Table

Country Gold Medal Tally
Silver Medal Tally
Bronze Medal Tally
Australia flag Australia 41 37 32
England flag England 17 20 15
India flag India 12 8 3
Scotland flag Scotland 8 5 6
Canada flag Canada 7 16 13

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A woman thought she was in heaven when beer instead of water flowed from the taps in her apartment in west Norway. "I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks and beer came out," Haldis Gundersen told Reuters from her home in Kristiansund, west Norway. "We thought we were in heaven. "Beer in Norway is among the most expensive in the world with a 0.4 liter (0.7 pint) costing about 50 crowns ($7.48) in a bar.(your telling me ! i paid nearly a tenner for one when i went skiing years ago - about 10 years ago !)

Gundersen said she tried the beer but that it tasted a bit odd and was not fizzy. It turned out that a worker in a bar two floors below had mixed up the pipes on Saturday evening, wrongly connecting a new barrel to a water pipe leading to Gundersen's flat. The bar got water in its beer taps. "If it happens again I'm going to order Baileys (coffee liqueur)," she said.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Absolutely fantastic !!! The Real life Simpsons

This is brilliant - has anyone seen this on telly yet ? let me know as im gobsmacked as i love the simpsons with all my heart (who doesnt!)

Friday, March 03, 2006

nice picture daily

He's at it again

What's 18 inches tall and stands at the end of a small childs bed?

Gary Glitters boots . . . .

Sorry about that. But he's a complete fucking c**t and needs to be shot in the face at close range - actually - i reckon drummer boy should be locked in his cell until he self combusts.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Jim and Edna

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved
him. I am sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?"

Monday, February 27, 2006

Winwars ! excellent bit of .swf

Loving this winwars swf i found whilst Stumbling! - I saw it ages ago and is fairly glassco - but worth a look if you havent seen the screengrab below - then click here

Friday, February 24, 2006

Celebrate March 20th - Steak And Blowjob Day

Guys, you know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do love them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it.

Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 20th. Its like a perpetual love machine!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

News just in from Bavaria

A Bavarian village was flooded by liquid pig manure after a tank containing the fertilizer burst, German police said Wednesday. Sewage rose to 20 inches in the courtyards and streets of Elsa after gushing from the tank, which held some 240,000 litres of pig manure. "The village was swamped with green-brown liquid and it was pig manure -- the mother-of-all muck," said Rainer Prediger, a police spokesman in the nearby town of Coburg.

The second biggest spack in the world

Is a little dwarven prick called CB - cant name and shame quite yet as quite frankly im bored of the twats name and anything to do with him - In short he owes me half a grand and has been fobbing me off for 3 weeks - Now the twat thinks i should not lock the chubb so he cant get in and let him get his stuff - Quite frankly he's dimented - All my colleagues, bosses and reliable contacts say i am in the right, bearing in mind there is NO paperwork to suggest he renting from me - all this aside its just a load of shite i could do without.

That aside i have cracked in a record month - currently sitting on 10,800k GP for the month - Very very nice indeed.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The most unpatient kid EVER

As seen on
Absolutely the most brilliant case of PC tourettes ever witnessed EVER - I have watched this German freak lots and lots of times and every time i sit there in awe with my hand over my face staring in wonderment. Quite frankly unmissable. If for some mad reason your WinMedia center doesnt work properly then click here - trust me this is legendry

I thank you

Monday, February 20, 2006

Inspiration and words of wisdom for the whiners among us

1. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
2. Do I look like a fucking people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off my planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
21. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. And which dwarf are you?
40. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
41. Meandering to a different drummer.
42. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Naomi 2006 worst pop awards results

Westlife and Lisa Scott-Lee were among the winners at the Naomi awards, an alternative to the Brits, which give prizes for the worst acts in pop. The light-hearted awards, run by digital channel Music Choice, are voted for by music industry experts. Former Steps singer Scott-Lee won worst British female solo artist, worst British single and worst pop act.

Westlife picked up worst international album and group and outstandingly bad contribution to music. The awards are named after supermodel Naomi Campbell's short-lived music career. She released a single called Love and Tears in 1994.

Winners in full:

  • Worst British Male Solo Artist - Lee Ryan
  • Worst British Female Solo Artist - Lisa Scott-Lee
  • Worst British Album - Steve Brookstein, Heart and Soul
  • Worst British Single - Lisa Scott-Lee, Electric
  • Worst Attempt at Rock - Son of Dork
  • Worst Urban Act - Ms Dynamite
  • Worst Live Act - Babyshambles
  • Worst Pop Act - Lisa Scott-Lee
  • Worst International Male Solo Artist - Jack Johnson
  • Worst International Female Solo Artist - Jessica Simpson
  • Worst International Album - Westlife, Face to Face
  • Worst International Group - Westlife
  • Worst International Breakthrough Artist - Pussycat Dolls
  • Outstandingly Bad Contribution to Music - Westlife

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Another record month ... possibly ?

Im on the way to yet another record month - 3k on a 65'' plasma - and almot 10k on projectors / screens and lappys to a gov. body - im sharing that GP but hey all good! - JJN said he'd up me a ton if i hit 10k - so i'll see if i can get there.

Anyway - CB is getting massively on my nerves - cant go into details but i feel that an eviction is imminent - just hope H from Rbar is ok to take the twats place. All in all things are ok - getting an unusual amount of hits thru gooogle for AC - interesting on valentines day as well! - i wonder . . hmm

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentines day - whats that then ?

Good lord - roses everywhere - text messages flying about - bollocks to it all - the one person id send a card to isnt about anymore so fuck it - actually if im honest i dont give a flying shite anymore anyway - bored of 14th Feb - Maybe next year huh

anyway love to Laura, Bernie, Beckie, Becca, Nina, Claire, Tressa, **** (can't name you! you have a BF who may see this ! haha) and Louise.

At least my hoover buddy is having a good day - Thanks to MC

Friday, February 10, 2006

Best joke in the world - Probably

My father told me that in life there is just one rule that you need to stick too which was "never shag a dwarf with learning difficulties"

Why i asked!

"Because its not big and its not clever son"

Fair enough!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Suicide protester is actually drug dealer !

His street name is Skinner.. and prison pals say he sold drugs for 'Muslim cause'
By Tom Parry And Oonagh Blackman, Political Editor. THE protester who dressed as a suicide bomber at a London demonstration is a convicted crack cocaine dealer.

Student Omar Khayam was jailed in 2002 for possessing the drug with intent to supply. A source claimed yesterday he vowed to sell drugs to help radical Muslim groups. The 22-year-old vowed to sell drugs to raise money for radical Muslim groups, it was claimed yesterday. A source who knew him in jail said Khayam - known to pals as Skinner - was influenced by extremists while locked up for drug offences.

The insider said: "He was a very quiet guy and would only ever speak out when he was with other extremists.

"He told people that he would use the money from drugs for the cause, meaning radical Muslim groups. He has obviously become even more radicalised since he got out."

Khayam - who apologised yesterday for dressing as a suicide bomber at a London demo - was jailed in 2002 for possessing crack cocaine with intent to supply. He was freed on parole last year after half his six-year sentence.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Caption competition

I ran this some months ago - and as i was browsing over some old pages that have had some freaky google searches, i thought id add it again to see what comes of it. So heres the piccy and i await your caption.

The best by the way gets a link for a month at the top of my homepage with a banner of your choice - Great !

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

o my my my

What have i found here! - New site that i have found called 'You Tube' posting videos of whatever and whomever - a little like google videos - but do you get to se this sort of stuff - I rest my case. I thank you

Monday, January 30, 2006

The weekend as entertained by Frank Butcher

Did fek-all - i actually couldnt if i'm honest - went out after work on Friday with TW and ended up at a private party in Ryans - Bumped into CB and J from Warlingham - was a funny night - only one story i can let u lot read - These 3 absolute honies came to the door and the bouncers wouldnt let them in - when i say bouncers it was 2 young lads with clipboards - being the gent i am - i waltzed over and in a strong manly manner said 'Oi lads let the ladies in' - 'can't you see they just want a good time' as i peered around the door to let them in i noticed to my blind side a big fella in a long dark jacket, he leaned over in a very Frank Butcher fashion and lightly shouted in my ear ' And who the fuck are you, to let people in my daughters 21st birthday' - ' i see your point' i muttered and headed off to my pint - slightly smirking as i realised id been nabbed bigtime - and Frank had almost been gazumped.

2 more pints gulped and headed to the heaving dancefloor where it seemed like a fucking school disco - got the fuck off the dancefloor and headed back to the bar - TW was getting calls from da missus so he went and left me wobbling on a bar stool! Bad bad news - Got home and woke up Saturday day at 4pm - decided as i had no cash and CB hadnt paid my cash yet i went back to bed where i stayed until Sunday - Got up - Ate the contents of the freezer (what was left) and poured scorn on the twat of a flat-mate i have until Wednesday - when quite possibly i'll chuck his shit out. Good fekking riddance.

That was that . . bring on March . . Not Feb ! as im skint already! (thanks as ever to B3ta and Stoat for the image)

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Shikes horror what to do ?

B3ta was down a large part of the day - why lord - o why did you punish me this way - What have i done to deserve such punishment - Why o why - Anyway having a great month - target has been smashed and all is good - PG is becoming more and more agressive daily - and he's entering the Croydon X-Factor competition that supports the local womens sanctuary for gods sake - im being forced to go and se Jo Brand at the Fairfield on the 28th Feb as well - Lord Jesus why do this to me - aaarghh

So what did i do whilst B3ta was borked - work - thats what i worked ! hows that for a day ! wooo

Off to space again :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Looking up all round - Thank God!

First of all - Is anyone watching CBB at the moment and wondering why the fuck someone hasnt made Pete 'Bubble Lips' Burns a new hole in his face? Bloody annoying little cun* - Although i suppose if he wasn't about the house would be diluted and no fun - And while im on the subject - anyone else think Traci Bingham is hot as fuck? I fist thought she was a stuck up Yanky spaz but ive warmed to her - she seems very calme and gentle and God shes hot. Wow.

So anyway i had a house inspection on Saturday and all was well - She came in and ooo'd and aaar'd about how nice the place was - which is true - Then asked 'Is there anything up with the place?' obviously i said the windows are fucked and low and behold i got a call from the window people yesterday and its being sorted - with all the problems i had last week this is damn awesome i think. Abbey are looking into getting that cash back for me - im hopefull but on a good note the agents have accepted the payment terms amicably as they understand my problem. All good.

Im over target too - thus pay in Feb is good, and im also looking into evicting the current tennant for being a total assbandit.

Friday, January 20, 2006

My new friend

Welcome to my newest buddy - Hyper-Upload - Yes my life IS that dull - im currently having a small personal breakdown - due to the mounting shit cu*t pressure ive been under - Broke the golden 'no drinking in the week' rul massively last night - polished off a bottle of red and started on another one. Feel absolutely awful this morning and feel doubly bad for calling JO and bareing my soul to the fool (not really a fool - its me who's the tit) - Wish i Wasnt here today - could do with being tucked up in bed and dieing.

Not sure where im going in life - not since the great news i had in the week - the bank havent called me or filled me in with the missing cash scenario as yet - and if im honest i dont think anything will happen or come of it - So that aside i had a text conversation with an old flame and wish i fucking hadnt - TIP - when your 2 thirds thru a bottle of red DONT call ya ex's or for that matter anybody of the opposite sex. Period.

Right im off to have a bad day - see ya

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Paris Hiltons new shoes

Im sure you will have seen this over the last few days - or maybe you havent - anyway it has to be blogged for it will go down in internet folklore - Paris has been pictured in tons of pretty awful positions and even filmed - and that shite program with Nicole Richie in the Simple Life really does make me laugh - They are just bimbo to the maximum - so mush that it hurts - and hopefully this should too.

Click the piccy to zoomify (SSFW - semi safe for work - once zoomed becomes NSFW)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

TittyBangBang - Whats that all about ? ?

Have you copped a load of BBC3's new TittyBangBang yet ? No ? well your missing out so click here and then read on

Yes ?! isnt it bluntly the most outrageous comedy you've ever witnessed - I mean there is that mad bloke - Don Peacock who keeps hiring escorts and then grabs up da boobies and asks them if he can pee on them - Mental - what is that all about - and tehn the two ladies in the National Health Trust called Parker and Harris - who chuck stuff at each other and whom i think begin a killing spre gainst each other - looks liek that could at least be fairly funny - Then theres the Italian Slovakian cleaner who keeps showing off and saying 'Im shy' and 'Dont look at me' pure mentalness - The twithching Darts ladies and then the best of the lot are the 'Shut Up Family' - who remind me of a family in Cowden who have 3 daughters and on occasion when ive been there for diiner -(when i was seing the middle daughter) used to constantly tell each other to Shup up - And she actually reminds me of here too - !!! Wooooo

If you dont have a clue what the hell im talking about then click here and watch next weeks episode 3 - Realplayer is needed

Pete Burns IS a wanker and i confirm he's (it's) an alien too

And is it just me or does the top left look like Joanna Lumley ?

Thanks to WBA

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Red Sky at night - does that mean i'm forgiven Lord ?

One nice thing has happened today - i had a really nice red sky appear outside my window this afternoon. So with any luck it means all is forgiven and from tomorrow things will look Rosey again. They'd better anyway.

And just before you mosey on off to your cozy world - click on the photo and check in almost the middle of the photo to the right and you'll see the beginnings of what looks like twister - wooo

Interesting search

Hmm - Interestingly someone's been searching for AC and left a trail of amusing page views . . I wonder if it could be who i think it could be - I mean how many people would search for 'that' name - and have 'that' IP address huh . . . O by the way if you know me, yo u KNOW who im talking about - If not - shame

Worst day of my life (for a very long time)

If i could - i would list all the things that have gone wrong for me today - so instaed i'll paraphrase - I found out that 3 months of a lot of cash has been paid to the wrong person and i still owe it - My best customer was let down for the third time massively - (not my fault) another customer who was told they would get a machine today wont as its not be refurbed - A good friend wants some money off me that i honestly dont have - thus making me feel bad - Someone else has stolen from me - theres 2 weeks till payday - and my storage bill has hit 62 days overdue.

All in all im near to killing myself - its all a bit too much to handle - drinking doesnt solve anything - nor does hiding - so ive got an afternoon of negotiation to handle - im good at it so thats ok - its just that i cant really see the wood for the trees currently - and the woods are very very wooody - have a nice picture of what my brain feels like.

Feel free to wish me well in the next life wont you.

Monday, January 16, 2006

When history bites back

My good mate Danny, whom i work with, has been a good mate for some time - recently married and has a little boy Freddy - Another good buddy from work JJN dug up an old photo of Danny and handed it to me this morning and i feel it necessary to show all of you, here, on my blog.

Please note Danny is now like myself - bald - and has been for some time - So how the HELL did he have all this hair at one time huh ! jesus christ. and just for the record - Dannys the microphone head who's holding the Burton bag - o and the photos nearly 20 years old now . . . makes me laugh how fashion has changed - pffft - btw - click here for an up to date of what Danny looks like.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Just to fill you in

What a bloody excellent week ive had - cracked the no beers in the week thing - i feel full of energy totally relaxed and my game has exploded all over the place - its the 13th of the month and im 80% to target with 3 weeks to go - wooo

My work is good - i introduced a new arm to the firm - a telecommunications portal which should be rolled out in a few weeks - all good for me - my major account bought over 20k's worth of kit last week with a promise of more next month - what can go wrong - o yea a lazy 2 bob flatmate who doesnt wash up and nicks my food - punk !

anyway have a good un :)

Hmm - somethings up with this weeks issue

Thanks to hugo-a-gogo for the art and of course the goats and kittens at B3ta

Silly nursery ryhmes - Adult style

Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky. Silly Jill forgot her pill And now there's little Franky.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.

Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's arse and turned it's wool to nylon

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon, Pies, you dickhead.

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides And every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs. Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front ... but she didn't wear that one very often

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men said "F*ck him, He's an egg.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was funny that way.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Amazing - how did they know ?

A South American Scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity in their lives tend to read blog entries with their hand still on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off, it's too late....

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Ron Jeremy see's Goatse for the first time !

Now then now then - My followers may or may not have seen Goatse before - but just in case you havent then i'll explain - Mr.Goatse as he is now famously known is a naked old man bending over whilst having both hands ripping open his asshole - Great you may say - that sounds lovely - most of you may have turned off already - However some bright spark has decided to make a FlickR slideshow of all his Goatse virgin's - and before you throw up i mean he's going around with a picture of Goatse and showing people and taking their picture with the horrified expression on their face - An all time classic and definately worth a look - Heres Ron Jeremy (of pornfilm stardom - o and The Farm) looking stunned - Mrneutron i salute you sir!

Want to see the Goatse virgin slideshow? Click here - it's totally safe for work and just in case you havent seen the original Mr.Goatse then click here (VERY NSFW you have been warned)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

For the umpteenth time

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. And yes ive tried deleting this post and then for some reason it deletes the html that installs (automatically) the code- So here it is and watch this space for some dramatic changes to my blog look - Ive been messin with stuff in the background and trying to find a happy medium between IE and Firefox - Guess what - IE's an absolute pig for coding.

SO just in case any of you lot fancy messin with your blog template - make sure before you change everything (like me) make sure IE likes it first - It does odd things with padding and layout - Check the source code - theres an IE hack in there and i can't make stuff work different - anyone who can help i'd be most appreciative.

So Happy New Year finally to a few of my loyal supporters - Mainly John and Tressa - Keep those comments coming guys - I hope to pick up a few more nutters on teh way this year - so whatever you do - leave a loving comment before you go

Gervais gets his balls sucked by Groening

The Simpsons creator Matt Groening said Ricky Gervais did such a good job writing an episode of the hit US comedy show that he wants him to do more. The Office star wrote and appears in the episode, which is due to be screened next month. Groening said Gervais was good enough to be a regular character, according to the UK press. "He caught our tone exactly, and then added his own Ricky Gervais/David Brent patheticness," Groening said. "Everything you could ever possibly want from Ricky Gervais you get. "It's possible we'll collaborate again... he should be a regular character. In fact, he should have his own cartoon series."

Gervais' character in The Simpsons is based on David Brent from The Office sitcom. He moves into The Simpson household with Marge as the family take part in an episode of Wife Swap, while Homer moves in with his wife.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Vote Lib-Dem

Feel a little bit sorry for dear old Charles Kennedy - bearing in mind im a reforming alchoholic myself - it must be fairly difficult to own up to a problem that you quite clearly refused to admit some months ago - and of course Charlie boy - you've been photographed sweating ya ass off on stage - a clear sign of booze abuse (trust me im an expert at sweating at any given moment) - So Zaks decided to make banner in honour of your drunken woeness - So thanks to Zak McFlimby for the piccy.

That aside - Who does actually fekking vote Lib Dem anyway huh?

And who the fuck wants to be leader of such a wimpy bunch of 'no-hope-of-ever-winning' the election losers. bored now. Bye

Might start a 'my lazy boring flatmate' blog !

Apart from the fact that my foods getting eaten, the washing up aint getting done, and theres still a rubbish bag sitting outiside the sloth's room (for 4 days now) im tickedyboo - Mopped the front room wooden floor last night and behold, now your feet dont stick and you can see that the floors a light brown - brilliant - also i threw away an empty whisky and barcadi bottle, empty comfort bottle and an empty box of washing up tablets, 2 dead onions and orange and lots of empty packets of everything that CB seems to leave in his wake. Bored of it. like moaning at this is boring me - cant even be assed to moan about it to him.

And did you see the contestants in CBB2006 - O MY GOD - Dennis Rodman hahhaha, Michael Barrymore (YAY), Jodie Marsh (woohooo), Rula Lenska (boooo), Preston from the Ordinary Boys (who), Maggot from GLC (crap) Pete Burns (what a weirdo), Faria the affair ridden wotsit who nearly made Sven resign (booo) and Traci Bingham (mmmm) tasty my thoughts are reserved on her for the short term, she is an absolute beauty! George Gallaway who isnt my fave MP in the world but iu dont have anything actually against him - and he seems like he could be good fun! - O and some normal bird called Chantelle who has to make all the others beleive that shes a Celeb by Sunday or get chucked out - Must see TV short term just to see that shit.

So off to the weekend and my first available boozing night tonight - shall i get garmed up and hit Clapham or go straight from work to somewhere glum. DM gets paid so he might be out for once pffft . . Jasons up for booze as well - and so's the Wills - Feeling lucky this weekend i am - we shall see. Cheers to Biroart for the gif - he has a series of these and they are wicked - click on his image to see the site.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Yes its 2006 and GUESS what ive given up

So faithful followers - I have been mostly lieing on my ass, watching the gogglebox - and what a fekking waste of energy that was - fek all on but crap old films and the occasional 5/10 like Ace Ventura - Which is really a classic altho his over the top acting does annoy the arse out of you after a short time (doesnt it you?) - Spent Xmas day at my old mans house - pictures on Flickr if your interested - My silly stepsister really annoyed me at the end of a good day - Her blokey gave her a really nice chain and pendant with matching earrings - i used to work in Tiffs so i know what i mean whan i say 'nice' Anyway she turned her fat nose up at it and said '' Have you the receipt - i wanna take them back'' all in one breathe - not even a pause and a quiet word afterwards in private - but in front of everyone ! What a cow (i could go on but my friends have had it all week)

So anyway as i was saying - duringthe xmas period my good buddy JO turned up unexpectedly and hijacked me for a beer at the Rectory at 2pm Wednesday-week. We swiftly necked a Kroney and decided to get the lads out for a trip to the Griffin Bar in Clerkenwell Road - Any hot blooded fellas from South/North London will know this dive as the pound a snatch bar - where less then clothed 'lady's' strip nekked and pole dance for 5 minutes and then ask for a pound in a beer glass before the next 'lady' comes on. Now by this time we are whacked out on beer and narcotics and decide to get a private dance - which by the way is only 15 quid ! wooooo - that done we decided to head off to the Ministry of Sound. 20 squid to get in - not likely - so head off again to Suttons famous Bar Room Bar where we grab a pint and knock back a cap of KE's stuff. Then (yep off again) back in the car and dive into Croydons Latino bar (which used to be Brannigans) where KE swiftly grabs some old beast and snogs it to near death - Some of us waltz over to the Black Sheep - its full of grungers and we head back to my yard for beer and to chill.

Several hours later CB gets up and asks for a beer and KE gets nasty and abuses his sexuality to a point that was rude as fek - however all being mushed up no-one got annoyed and CR did get his hood spashed on by that big minger that he pulled - We have film evidence of KE snogging a pink mohicanned JCB - and we intend to splash it all over the intenet - o and here !

The rest of the week consisted of getting over that night - i decided to stay the hell in on New Years - couldnt bear to do anything - Saved money and started the year completely sober - The London fireworks were clerarly the best in the world - don't let anyone tell you any different ! - So onto this year - its started well - with new year resolution being to give up the weekday booze - Im keeping it up as already ive found a much better work attitude and i feel energetic and full of beans - I don't even want a beer at the moment - the thought of it makes me ill. So far so good - wish me luck and how do ya like my new template huh ? needs a little debugging and i may get funky on the background - i used to have a script that rotated jpg's so i may give that a go and freak u lot out ! wooooo