Monday, October 31, 2005
Now then onto White Noise - Woooo - not since Jaws when i was about 6 have i hidden behind a duvet cover for most of the film - its scary jumpy and downright goosebumplingly edgy. I shit myself and hid every time Michael Keaton decided to turn his bloody TV on and mis-tune it and stare rather evily into the white noise - The way the film makes you jump is simular to What lies beneath when she sees the dead womans face in the lake (remember?) So in general i was pooing my self - we had switched the lights off - (like Saw) and decided to scare ourselves - It did the trick so we watched Silence of the Lambs to get over it! Now hows that for a film to feel better before you sleep.
Friday, October 28, 2005
You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye ..Roon sirbees ..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be Fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad! ?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
G: "Excuse me?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
G : "You're very welcome."
Anyway sod that im off to Clapham tonight with the lads to get very very sozzled - not loking forward to getting home tho - eeek - costs what 30 quid or so from there - especially to Purley - o nooooes. Still it will be worth it - DK SL TW and the rest of the weirdos will all be there and they are always on good form. So just been to Happy Yip down the road 7.95 eat as much as you can handle - and yes i did just that and now look like a sumo with very large pants on . . .
Thursday, October 27, 2005
So got a Stella from the fridge, turned off all the lights and whacked Saw in the DVD - straight away i could tell it was gonna be a bit spooky due to the gory looking cut up fat bloke hanging off barbed wire - excellent i thought - i havent been shit scared in ages - ever since Cabin Fever! (that bit when the girl in the shed has lost all her skin off her face)
So me and CB jumped a few times but if im honest i was rooted to my sofa - the action was good and all round i was totally engrossed a good 8/10 from me - then i went to bed . . . bliss and early night for once !
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
So whats all the fuss? - Its so bloody addictive - one night i didnt sleep till 5am in the morning. Stupid ! yes - care ? no - and am i nearing the completion of this bloody brilliant game - Yes - thank fuck for that. I can sleep again and just maybe i'll catch up on whats happening in the world of television.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Wanna know what Goatse is huh? Are you sure that you do? - Well ok then - click here - Alternatively you can read all about Goatse on wikipedia by clicking here
You are warned that goatse and any related media associated with goatse is stritly NSFW - your mum isnt gonna like it and frankly nor are you!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Imagine an elder lady legs a kimbo whizzing around the kitchen and hallway / front room on a comp chair and diving up in the air to grab plates, books and all manner of items - its not only scary but very disconcerting. I told her to behave and rest - but noooooo - she says she be walking up and down the garden by the end of tomorrow - sheeesh
Nothing i can say about it really - i was like that - a little - walking around on my cast when i really should have been resting - ce la vie - just glad shes ok :)
Monday, October 17, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
Not just that - ! - but after 2 mins or so - three of the over lads and one director started humming it too - then - i thought "fuck it i'm fucked i'll do a dance" - so theres me doing the "mummy dance" you know the one - like in the video - and what the FUCK - the office all start doing the mummy dance and singing "backstreets back allllriiiiite"
Now theres a site you dont see on "The Office"
Thursday, October 13, 2005
So dad was late but then it was rainy and dark and you know what the brits are like when the weathers shite - we drive like we are 89 years old with a glas eye - Got to Rectory and snaffled the leather sofas - started sipping my Stella - felt like i was sipping arsenic - ordered steak and waited when all of a sudden 2 girls wandered over and asked if they could join us - as theres another osfa adjacent to the one i was on. Now initially i was struck by this young lady's cute smile but as the night when on i realised she was an absolute fitty - her mate was plain Jane (or plain Claire as it would turn out!)
Half way thru England vs Poland we kept catching each others eyes and soon enough i was looking directly at her as she was to me - Unfortunately i was blowing my runny hooter at the time and she made a move as to blow her nose - i reacted by blowing a hole in the tissue and then muttered something or other - she reacted by leaning over the table and introducing herself - berloody hell i thought !
He name was Suzannaha and she was from Sweden - whooop whoop went my head - u know what they like doing there in the long lazy nights ! - she'd ben here 10 years and was in marketing or something - the footy was so loud i couldnt pick out half of what she was saying to me - and then she dropped it !
So that was that - she offered to buy me and me dad a drink but frankly id run out of the will to live - so went home saying goodbye and good luck and nice to meet you and all that - wanted to ask for that mobile number but frankly what would the point have been ? - Bumped into Kaz who was dropping booze off to Craig - and before i went to bed i had to pull Craig up for singing bloody Frank Sinatra out loud for hours on end - poor lad fink he'd been rowing with mum and dad... slept liek a dead horse.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Got up Saturday and felt a little shit in fairness - spent the day watchin crap telly and made a spagboll - DM wanted me to go over whcih i did - but left early as my head and bosy was clearly in a state of massive over use and wanted to sleep - I did just that .
Sunday provided a blue sky and sun so i ventured off to the - guess ! yep the Pub - saw an old girly i was trying to get hold of back in the days when i did that sort of thing (im too old and bloody boring to do that now) - she was with some ape of a bloke - as i remember she was just too bloody stuck up her own arse - But she looked ok still - i wasnt going to say hy - not after 6 years or so - Went home and San Andrea'sd myself to death.
My Mums due in hospital this morning - I bet shes pooing herself - after all shes basically having her feet broken so as to make them better - Mum my heart is with you fully and i hope you get well soon :)
Friday, October 07, 2005
this is very difficult as i am in paradise and high speed internet has not arrived here and i am using a french key board and of course i would rather be lazing around the lagoon than sitting in a sweaty internet cafe. I am in moorea at the moment, having left the boat in Tahiti on Monday, the voyage across the pacific was increadible and took a while longer than planned. Where do i start? a few of the many highlights so far: the stars and planets on a clear night the phosphoresense in the water on cloudy, dark nights panoramic sunsets and sunrises, because of the watch rota 2 out of 3 days i saw both clinging to the helm on rough night watches frantically pulling in the sails during tropical squalls sitting on the bow spit listening to Miles Davies - a kind of blue ; blue sky blue sea going up the rigging for some time alone or a quiet chat eating freshly caught tuna sashimi ridiculous discussions on long quiet night watches windy days when we quietly flew through the waves calm days when we could dance on deck or stop the boat and swing off the yards into the sea the birds and the fish, particularily the flying fish that accompanied us through out the voyage, there is a surprising amount of life in the deep pacific crossing the equater- we all had to undergo a secret initiation ceremony horrible but fun but meant we were aloud our first drink in more than 20 days music, singing and story time low tech evening entertainment a few low points: wet night watches my bunk more like a coffin than a bed, no room even to sit up lack of privcy, decent food and fresh water getting stuck in a tropical cyclone with the wind against us our engine on full power just so that we would not go backwards which put too much strain on the engine pump which broke causing panic through out the boat Our first stop was Nuka Hiva in the Marqueses a haunting beautiful place of steep strange shaped volcanic mountains The Marquesans are an amazing race who decided at the end of the 19th century that their race should not continue. after having their population reduced from hundreds of thousands to a few thousand by white mans diseases they decided enough was enough and they killed and ate all new born babies. they have since decided they still want to exist and the islands are littered with the remains of their once formidable civilsation. We moored in two different bays and had an increradible time; snorkling with huge manta rays everyday - one day there was seventeen of them swimming with us walking through the remains of an ancient settlement and deep forest to get to the worlds second highest waterfall to swim in the pool at the bottom coming across totally tatooed hunters on horses with backs of dogs in the forest chatting to the amazingly friendly locals Next stop apataki a deserted coral atol for snorkling on an amazing reef where i met a charming shark then on to Moorea and finally tahiti. i have had so many adventures you have not even heard half of it. I am off to Bora Bora tomorrow then on to Rangiroa and then Rurutu and finally new zealand. i may be gone a while hope all is well with you
So what about that ! I dont even know where the fuck the Marquesa's are - well i googled and they are roughly half way between Australia and South America in the midle of the South Pacific. Woo !
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Secondly - i'd like to say that if a certain person doesnt stop annoying the fuck out of me at work i will explode and be forced to throw a fork or spork in the persons general direction - trying too hard to be be funny - just isnt funny - joining in quips when they are losely based on you - doesnt get a laugh - it just gets worse - Im not an office bully - im bullied myself - (or was) - but through hard determination and through taking that sales office banter (invaribly in the ass) and using it to work my hand - i have managed to turn the tables or at the very least sit on the same table as my piers. So young bloke - please take my advice and STFU (I do mean this nicely)
Monday, October 03, 2005
So Friday day was deadly - wanted to sleep all day - got a doner for lunch which was a mistake if i was honest as i feel it made me fall sleep - blog the rest of w/end later im off to do some work !! pffft - ok in short - Friday night was supposed to go to NH's bday at Conchitas - except i went home for a nap and fell asleep - Until 12 midnight when i hear voices in my house - It's CB and a broken leg that he'd suffered after falling off a motorbike ! NOT AGAIN !! - slept like a baby until early hours of Saturday lunch - Got up did shopping and met DM for a beer - Went home and got deeply engrossed in San Andreas - Was up until some godly hour like 6am i think and finally went to sleep - Sunday was a white out - got up at 2pm felt like shit - stayed in bed and stayed there until Sunday night about 9pm when i got up and watch a copy of War of the Worlds - Which was awesome btw.