Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Now in good old English fashion i was on my Easter break and thought of a few very very relevant pet hates which by all accounts are every day things that are just plain bloody annoying and serve no purpose other then to piss me and every other normal person off - Now since my memory (which was once excellent) is getting worse day by day im keeping a list on my PC - but i thought i'd start off my week asking you crazy guys to help me -
- So what pisses you off more then anything else ?
Click comments and feel free to add anything you like . No censorship - just go for it . Once i have a list of 10 or so - and im thinking on my feet today then i'll publish them . They will i think, definately open your eyes to our crazy crazy world !
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
I mean Easter that is - First it was Thursday night and then you blink - and it's bloody Tuesday again - and guess what ! the only clock i didnt adjust was my alarm on my spare mobile that i use as an alarm - So YES i was the idiot in the office that got in late !
JJN back from Dubai - got a pack of Marlboro lights - which was excellent ! he's looking amazingly red and freckly ! hahha - So my weekend was basically all over from Thursday night - Met Mo up at the Rectory and headed off soon after to the Kyber to drop some specs off - yep about bloody 30 pairs ! MO said "right mate if i dont get through at least 300 quid tonight then your a pussy" ~ "Yea right" was my answer - We had been let down by DM re Pascha as he wasnt playing hence he wasnt going coz hes skint - We were still on the guest list - but we decided to head off to Croydon and save some dough - Got stuck in at Mojama - which was ok for a bit but then got bored and dived into Tiger Tiger which was empty-ish until 10pm when it packed out - I was doing famously with 2 absolute honies until Mo went missing with some girl - He called my mobile and said to get my ass round the other bar - where he was getting jiggy! So i decided to join in - next thing i know we are in the back of a BMW M3 doing 80mph up Brighton Road on the way to Warlingham . . .
Then ! and only then i realised that the girl id been winding up with Mo was his bird - ! oh dear oh dear - she was ok - until Mo dissapered for and hour upstairs - doing the obvious - Time flew and at 6am we got a cab back to mine where Mo said he neede to get to work - with out any sleep hahaha ! he was a a fucking wreck ! If it was me i would have said id been in a car accident as that what he looked like (no joke!) - Only thing is he had to open up ! - i text him 2 days later - Still had no response - i wonder if hes dead ? need to get SS's stupid glasses this week and collect some cash from 1 or 2 people (you know who u are heheh)
Went to me Mums on Sunday - where i fell ill with a damn migraine again - Making a doctors appt today - im a little unhappy about the pain - im getting it all the time - my mums unhappy about it too - since shes a regular migraine sufferer - Blew my dad out because of the pain which LT's peeved about - just wrote her an email - Nothing could be done ! said sorry again but im in bad books - Wont be very funny if i need a new brain will it !
All in all quite a good easter break - Shame my Dads got the 'ump ~ never mind
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Im off to the Funky Buddha with Random, Mo, Spacy, Sarah and Vicki, and just so you know this lady will be there as well ... I hope wearing the same top . . . Awesome - OI FELLAS click the photo's for the full size . . . droool
Here i pose the question - I had reservations yesterday regarding any sort of health and beauty practice being done on me - but - hey ive changed my mind - Why shouldnt i pop down to my local salon and get a pedicure done ? Why cant i ask a nice pretty young lady to give me a facial (hehe) - and why not get my hairy fat caterpillar eyebrows waxed to a sensible level huh ? WHY !
My only problem is taking myself off to have an hours worth of massage, cleansing and exfoliating (yep i learnt something too!) steaming and more massge by a bloke - no way - id walk out . . So anyway get yourself booked up down the local Beauty Salon and ask for a facial - Make sure Quentin doesnt work there or Rupert or anyone called Deke . . . (only joking mate!)
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
You see the little rate-me bar on the top left - well some of you beautiful BE and BAzoo visitors have taken the time in your busy 30 seconds to rate me - 2 of you hate my guts - thats great thanks .. and 5 of you think im just bloody brilliant - Those in the middle are just being to damned honest - which coincidentally is exactly why i stuck it there in the first place - Horay for Bloghop - go and get one for your site !
A little while ago (last week) a certain LH asked me to do her daughter a favour (who is at college) and pop into said college and let her practice on my face (poor her) - Now for some reason its all to do with being equal nowerdays - She has to face pack and basically give me a makeover or something - eeek - (blokes have it done as well as women apparently!) - Now i was a little flattered / peeved when LH came to me and asked - she said "there arnt many blokes that would do this - but i knew you would" - WTF is that supposed to mean . . . hahah - yes i know what you mean - Im more liberal then most - im easy going and generally up for a laugh . . . anything goes basically . . . So i'll let you all know tomorrow how excrutiating this was . . I am really really dreading it !
However im sure my face will love me for it - it needs sorting - maybe she can trim my oversized hairy caterpillar eyebrows ! wahey !
fuck im so dreading this . . .
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I have just installed a new webcounter as those poor chaps over at blogpatrol are updating software / images and the counters down - hence the broken image in Statistics - however the boys over at statcounter.com are the boom ! - You get more for your money (it's free) and you get cool stats like time spent per visitor on site (amazingly only 30 secs! thanks to blog explosion) and actual company / Uni names of your visitors IP address . Now that is intersting !
However one of the more interesting peices of info is the browser share so far today on installing the script . . . . Seems Firefox has caught up with IE and i'd reckon by mid year it will have overtaken . . . Hoooray !
News just in - Gav's cats died - Now Gav's not known for being a pussy but we are all holding a minutes silence today in honour of the cat - Gav on the other hand has taken the day off - I hope hes feline ok . . hehe
What a night at QC last night huh ! jesus - talk about hectic - got to sleep around bloody 2am after scrapping verbally with MH all night about a small shiny disc . . . Just as well SS realises how important it is to get that disc - She's going to Niloushas on the weekend - I dont see how it could be there but im crossing my fingers it is - Ive honoured MH with a new disc if i cant get the old one - A copy mind !
Back to the cat - Meoooooooow - dead funny - i wonder if there are any dead cat cartoons out there ? mmmm back in a min - update - no there are not - shame - anybody find one for me let me know ......
Monday, March 21, 2005
Yep - I had a major breakthrough this weekend - My head after Friday night's jaunt out and about nearly blew up on Saturday - I was in bed all day all night nursing what i can only explain as a brain hemmorage - No matter what i ate or drank on saturday day was coming straight back up after a few minutes - Not well at all - So i ventured off to the local shop and bought some life saving Nurofen to fend off the pain so i could sleep - They did the job well - eventually !
So back to Friday, met Jason and James on Friday and went to the Red Square bar for a few - where i met some girl who looked like Holly Valance but danced like a complete moron - she coaxed me into winding her up for ages - but somehow and GOD knows why, I felt like a prick so headed off into Croydon central - leaving her grabbing her coat chasing after me - i actually fancied her mate who wasnt all that but then she had a brain and was funny - She asked why James danced like Puff Daddy or pimp asswip whatever his name is.... that was very funny as he does dance like hes black - so . . .
Went on off to Bar Latino - what a no-no ! chaps were trying to slide in on the guestlist without being on it ! "yea thats me er er Stuart Templeman - yer thats me " " Sorry mate thats Stuart Taman - its obviously not you is it - now piss off" By this time i was heading in the direction of Yates - Kev wasnt in there - So left in a hurry and wandered off to Walkabout - Queued for 10 mins paid my fiver !! JESUS and got in - Called LP up - she luckily saved my life and came down with a tasty mate - had a laugh for a bit - This morning i learnt that the first thing i said was "Hey now thats what i call a skirt" (it was short! apparently very short) - left at 1.30 and as the story earlier on said - died 32 times in my sleep.
No more Drinking during weekdays
Yes you heard me - Ive had enough - my heads suffering and im losing the fucking plot 24/7 - ive lost all my confidence and i dont feel the normal "full of it" Simon anymore - Just look at me on Friday - A girl was up for giving me the full monty and i ran off like a girl - Yes i am ready to get right back on it - Yes ive had enough time - but for some reason im behaving like Dale Winton - and im clearly not fucking gay so sort it ! - No more bloody weed either - thats the first road to paranoia - I remember why i gave it the fuck up years ago now !!! So Simon YES YOU writing this blog - sort it - dont be sidetracked - give it up !
Ok so lets see how i get on ...... wish me luck !
(update 21/03/05 ~ 04.27pm ~ failed on 1st day going for a beer with Clare and Katie after work..... jesus !)
Friday, March 18, 2005
So anyway first stop after work was the Gypo where DF TW GB DS K CR Max and Noah got treated for a few drinks by TJ - thanks to a good day selling Pana kit - 3 guinesses later it was time to move on - CR made me laugh - i said to her that i needed to get home and get some cash if i was to go out - she promptly replied that she didnt need any money and swiftly undid her top and bared boobs and said " IVE GOT THESE " in the middle of the pub - needless to say that made me laugh my ass off and i headed off home to get supplies.
So got on bus and my god - Mo got on ! enticed him to come to the Rectory and he did - Luckily CR was looking out for me and got us in where another pint of the black stuff was waiting for me - K was working and came over briefly - looked as if she was flat out and the place was heaving in all honesty ! So with that in mind we left and went to ---- yep the Purley Arms - must be one of the worst pubs in Britain but hey never mind - CR won £51 on the fruity and we all decided to get a curry - But that went all wrong and i ended up getting a bus home to bed !
All in all a funny night - but reserved ! heres how i feel this morning !
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Dont-stay-in - whatever you do ! i mean come on - ive been sitting at home now way too long licking my wounds and moping about when i could have been out with this lot of horny nurses - definately need to get my arse in gear and get the hell out every weekend again - ! So i have posted a selection of the best photos !
Wanna see the rest of these great photos ? Get yourself over to Dont Stay in and take a peek ! and while im here heres my most favourite photo of them all ......
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
A man addicted to sniffing fuel has been jailed for breaching an order which banned him from petrol station forecourts.
Brian Taylor, 36, was caught on CCTV just weeks after he was handed an Anti-Social Behaviour Order.
He received the ban after he was caught sniffing fuel and dancing around the forecourt.
The order, which was made last month, banned him from every Asda fuel station in the country.
Taylor, of no fixed address, was also banned from going within 15m of any petrol station in Middlesbrough, Redcar or Cleveland.
But he was unable to resist the temptation and offended again.
Sgt Brian Tams, of Cleveland Police, said: "We are wanting this lad to get help."
"Now that he has been imprisoned in breach of his Asbo there may be a chance he can rehabilitate himself with the help of the prison services."
The order will continue until January 31, 2009.
I have to say this bloke is a freak - why doesnt he buy a can of petrol and take it home and do whatever he does to it ! lets hope he doesnt get ecstatic and catch himself alight - geddit ? hehhe o ok zzz
Im not sure what to say - but after exactly 87 days ! yes 87 - I have received my chain back from SS - In a jiffy sent to my work address . . Whats happened there then ? I mean first a call for glasses and now a returned chain ... Shame she cant find the bloody XP disk isnt it - damn.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Well i nearly went a day without a blog - hmm scary - maybe the need to share my innermost dankst thoughts doesnt turn me on anymore - maybe seeing my webcounter shoot up 100 a day doesnt make me happy either ... I dont know -
My life is becoming quite dull - I'm not keen on finding a girlfriend and im not keen on going out anymore - kinda odd because am i not turning into the person Anouska wanted me to be a year ago ! fuck me yes ...
So - with that in mind im off home to get beer and fags and play Mercenaries until my eyes bleed - Yes world im a boring boring boring person and definately need to get out more - Maybe i will soon....
Until then - heres a lovely picture of a fox .... He looks how i feel - actually the more i look at the fox and his slightly offish eyes, muttering undertones of devilishness, its EXACTLY how i feel .... mm got to get myself a date for Saturday night when i go to "Blue Hawaii" in Kingston - jeees
Monday, March 14, 2005
Weekend over thank god - one of those weekends that id like to forget - Saw Mo on friday nite and collected me new specs - wicked by the way ! - met Steve over at the Treehouse and then played some golf until thoroughly bored ! - Went off to see Aaron and co. up at annes and played the worst old skool set i think i ever ever have - In fact YES it was the worst - just couldnt be arsed to make an effort ! so anyway stayed there until 4am after chatting absolute cack until Sarah got bored of deciphering my rubbish - Anne chucked me out - ! hehehe
Saturday - got up went to pub - 3 pints and then off to Croydon - bought Mercenaries - awesome - Blow it up - blow it up some more - then blow it up again - was addicted to that all Saturday night - saw steve again and MA and Maxfield for a quick pint in the Hogs and back home
Sunday consisted of food - rest - T4 and more rest - Got up and watched SuperVolcano on BBC1 the rest of it is tonight at 9pm - but i'll probably miss it due to me being hooked on Mercenaries - SS called mid-afternoon! - she is useless - i said id be busy all day on Sunday but to ring me Saturday so i could help choose specs - what does she do - calls me on Sunday - she's nuts - im avoiding her now - clearly i really dont need any more weirdos in my life and she is odd - or just stupid - i cant decide which - im pretty pissed at her actually - i called on friday night to tell her id stumped up the cash for her specs and then she blows it out ! not doing this spaz a favour she deserves to pay full whack - her rich fella can anyway !
so see what i mean - a weekend to forget - maybe next week will be more eventful . feeling knackered - must be all that class A - jeez
Friday, March 11, 2005
On your marks...tickets for the 10th anniversary V Festival go on sale tomorrow, Friday 11th March at 9am!
Tickets are priced at £110.00 for weekend with camping, £90.00 for weekend without camping and £52.50 for day tickets. Visit www.vfestival.com for details.
V Festival 2005 returns to Hylands Park, Chelmsford and Weston Park, Staffordshire on the weekend of 20th - 21st August 2005.
The line up so far…
The Chemical Brothers - Embrace - Maroon 5 - Ian Brown - Texas - Robert Plant - Dizzee Rascal - Goldfrapp - Athlete - The Zutons - Jet - Joss Stone - Kaiser Chiefs - The Bravery - Goldie Lookin Chain - Doves - Thirteen Senses - 22-20’s - The Music
What more could you possibly want !
Jesus what a morning so far - had to take 5 mins out just to sit and take in what's going on - seems my desk is covered in damned paperwork from all last week - been a tad lazy and putting it to one side ! eeek - not doing that again ... So anyway saw my Dad last night went to the Redrooms in Chipstead for dinner - was very nice - had chicken and mushroom stilto pie with new potatoes and peas - awesome - 2 x kronenbourg 1664's and went home - was knackered -
Its national RND05 (red nose day) we are all in mufty to celebrate donating a few quid to a worthy cause - been watching celeb fame acedemy ? if Kim Medcalf wins im going to eat my bed-sheets ! You can quote me on that as well .... i despise her frog like features - just in case your from anywhere BUT the UK heres what i mean - I'll be back later to post more shite --- hang in there monkee's !
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Football week ! Chelsea beat Barcelona in what i can only say as being one of the all time great European games ever. Being a Chelski fan it was good - but to see Ronaldinho's goal from just outside the box was incredible - Barca's website says the dominated the game - mmmm no you didnt - otherwise you would have won - sounds like old socks to me - Anyway Arsenal got knocked out - good - Liverpool are through - good - so there could be a Liverpool vs Chelski final ..
Trying desperately to get these specs sorted this week - One person in particular is true to form and being useless - Guess who gang ! - answers in comments please ! Anyway heres my pair im getting done . All for free as well . nice one mo - Your a legend!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
It dawned to me earlier after reading convicted that this actual conversation HAS happened somewhere in the Great British Isles - although asking the shopkeeper for a packet isnt probable anymore - when was the last time you asked the shopkeeper for anything ! apart for fags of course - ANYwaaay . . . with the local Sudan1 colour scare and the countries recent letter to the UK government asking us to change the name of the dye - because and i quote " it hurts the opinions of UK residents thus they may not buy our imports " mmm like what ? when did you ever see anything saying "Made in Sudan" ? apart from the petrol in your car of course - and anyway people who buy Sudanese products wouldnt boycott them because of the name - they dont speak bloody english anyway ! (ooo rj get back in your pram) So heres the conversation
Going into a shop and asking the shopkeeper :
Customer: Worcester sauce crisps please
Shopkeeper: Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, cancer scare.
Customer: Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?
Shopkeeper: Ah that's the same , Cancer scare
Customer: Hamburger Relish?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Sausage and Mash?
Shopkeeper: Cancer scare
Customer: Cottage Pie?
Shopkeeper: Yes ... no wait, Cancer scare.
Customer: So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer scare?
Customer: (sigh) Just give me 20 Marlboro Lights then.
Shopkeeper: Certainly. £4.98 please.
Customer: aw thanks !!
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Yes im back from the weekend - Was truly bloody brill - Friday stayed in and had a few beers *cough and played Tiger Woods 2005 untill the maj and beer took hol dof my brain and slam-dunked it behind the sofa in between the old sweaty socks. Woke up early doors Saturday morning with MP3 player still blaring out "The Doves" who by the way are confirmed for V2005 - Now this year i am NOT going to miss it because of 1. stupid girlfriend - "o i dont want to go i'll get all dirty" - FUCK OFF or 2. I take too long to get the weekend camping ticket. Last time i went was V2000 and that was excellent - since then ive been watching from my sofa... bleugh
Ok so Saturday .... hmm well an odd day kinda - started off in the jewellers getting said watch i bought sorted (strap too big) cost me £6 - then off to The Swan and Sugar loaf for 1pm Guiness and catch up with the footy, paper and local loons who frequent said shite pub. No loons only chinese DVD man - "wanna dvd pleeeze" he said - "No" was my answer - "piss off" - the last batch of crap i bought was just that - Crap - So . . . Random called up and i arranged to meet in Croydon - which i did - watched the Rugger - North vs South - Unsurprisingly the North lost - we always do as i remember ! - Random was knackered (like me) and headed off home - I went off to Purley to The Rectory for more Guiness and to meet my glasses dude Mo. Had a chat about glasses and how many pairs i had on order from pals and handed over £25 in advance - i trust him implicitly anyway i got 3 pairs of specs for £30 last year - like i care if he nicks £25 ! he saved me £400! - back home i went - went to bed as completely nackered and also Mothers day was in the morning and i wanted to have some sort of form for me mam !
Mothers Day - woooo . .. got up and got cab - got to Mums - felt like home - hadnt been there for a long time and she's been dead busy renovating the place - I love my old house - its sooo cosy - shes ripped out the fireplaces and put in real fire with York stone and bare bricks - Its so nice- Had steak and kidney lunch - homemade ! YUM - We were going out but sensibly mummy made dinner coz its so busy on Mums day isnt it - Anyway got my xmas pressie - as i was awol at xmas thanks to SS then - nice fleecy cosy jumpy - and got a jade lucky wealth string for my phone and a really nice Jade bracelet .. its a bit girly but hey so fucking what !
So overall a top weekend - really enjoyed seeing my Mum - she looked so cool - amazingly shes wearing Caterpillars and combats ! heheh - must get the foto from Robin to proove it !
Anyway - that was that ! made a new friend today - see blogroll to see who (last entry) she helped me sort the transparency out for firefox users .... coolio !
TTFN monkees see you all soon
Friday, March 04, 2005
Thursday, March 03, 2005
I remember when i was about 5 - my uncle bought me a scaletrix set with 2 x Formula 1 cars - this started off a bit of a craze - all my mates had tracks and i remember carrying a box of the track back and forth from my friends after a furious 20 minutes racing the damn things ! Well for some bloody reason its back in the news - Sems a bunch of oldies have taken it a step further and decided to time themselves and create a "world cup" - snoredom - however the video that the BBC have made is quite funny - yet also sad taboot . . .
Grrr .... so far ive been sent 3 of my CD's and Tiger Woods - (in the nick of time actually) but i am still owed my MP3 player which im dieing to get hold of - No more loud kids on the bus annoying me - i can blast out my new CD's (hopefully!) Heres what i got delivered.
What an absolute outrage - now this is typical bollocks from the UK justice system - On the most part the UK judicial system works well i feel - I mean its a whole lot better then the Yanks system - If only we still fried people to death for massive crimes then it would be better - and thats exactly what this bloke should be subjected to.
Read on the story from yesterdays THE SUN newspaper
A DRUNK illegal immigrant whose car killed a schoolboy was jailed for just EIGHT WEEKS yesterday. Fury erupted as sentence was passed on Zambian Aaron Chisango, who is still in this country despite being refused British citizenship four times. Chisango, who had no licence and was uninsured, was 1½ times the drink-drive limit when his car hit 12-year-old Jamie Mason.
The 27-year-old had downed a bottle of whisky the night before his M-Reg Rover 620 struck the lad crossing a road at 11.30am. Jamie died of head and internal injuries later the same day.
But the Crown Prosecution Service dropped a charge of causing death by careless driving against Chisango because of insufficient evidence. He admitted the lesser offences of driving with excess alcohol and having no licence or insurance.
Fuck right off - if that was me i would have been jailed for a min of 6 months for driving illegally - BUT NOOOOO this blokes here illegally (as if we dont have enough immigrants) hes bloody DRUNK and yet he gets 8 weeks - HEY there is great news as well - He only gets 1 week inside as he spent 7 weeks in custody - Now im ashamed of the Crown Prosecutuion team for failing to lock this fucker up - better still send the bastard back to Zambia - O cant do that - its not "humane" is it ...... against the "Human rights" or something - fuck off
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Well - i had to - looks a little like it did before in all honesty and that was the aim - I liked the old skin - its was my own creation (after hacking the blogspot code) This whole template was designed by some bloke - but then ive added my bits and peices to it and now i think it looks quite good - No need to pay some yankee web-designer $20 to do it for me - Although maybe i'll still do that in the future - depends whether or not i carry on blogging like a maniac - Ive been menatl on that lately !
Anyway im off to the pub for a pint or two - Not that im very keen as im not - but its something to bloody do isnt it !
Feeling like dog shite today - late night and stellas always a big no-no - but guess what ! Im doing it all over again later ! Horaaaay ! Maybe i'll get somewhere on Rainbow Six 3 later - which by the way is too bloody hard !
Need also to make the top banner better as at the moment it looks boring as muck ..... What shall i do ? hmmmmm
keep me bookmarked .
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
I won the watch on ebay - Yessss !!! cant wait to get it .... £600 RRP ! and im not telling you what i got it for - like the advert says - A BARGAIN - still it'll probably fall apart after 3 minutes - 5 year warranty on it though - and the distributor is in Mitcham so no big deal -
Still waiting on that email from Tring - hmmm - actually im going to fire off some more - it's gotta be the way forward isnt it - well i shall see - DM's getting in contact with SS re a job - well its not her that can help its bexycola - again i wonder if he gets any help - i give up on that front - hmm twas funny - she kept ringing me for help - yet when i ask - i get ...... nothing ...... selfish people get one thing in life - and whatever it is i have no idea ! Maybe i should be more selfish - na bollocks it just wouldnt be me.
On a different note ~ i expected a bit of some piss taking at work about me ***** but this is just bloody hilarious - mind you some people are very considerate - and actually i think i need to take a leaf out of those people who took the piss's books ! You know its all good fun being nice and doing good - but hey its damn good fun being an arogant fuck as well - wonder if i can pull it off for a few days .... heheh watch out world ...
So again i have no funny stories - i have no funny anything at the mo - it's strange but i think things are looking up sunshine :)
see ya soon monkees
O and to my Yahoo search engine reader " HELLO !" i wish i had a fucking clue who you were - come back soon yea ..