Friday, February 25, 2005
Read if you wanna be depressed
What have i got to do to make you want me ?
What have i got to do - to be heard ?
What do i do - when its all over ?
Sorry seems to be the hardest word......
Well there you have it - my mood has officially hit a record low - Even my director RS was a little worried when i couldnt laugh at one of his incredibly crap jokes - Even JO's asking me nicely whats up - I cant really say world - Im just so lonely - Seems that whatever i had before , i mean whatever the world saw in me before christmas dissapeared, maybe never to be seen again - I just dont know what to do - I get lonely at work - lonely at home - i dream dreams that have me on my own in wide open spaces - i feel so empty - i feel cold - i well up at work - i shed tears at home playing the XBOX dammit - You may think a 32 year old man crying is pathetic - in some ways it is - Yes im a child inside - so kick me - whatever do what you like - theres only so much misery i can take this fucking year - Why am i a sad magnet . .
To those of you who come here to read my life - trust me i need some support right now - I have been feeling pretty low for a long time now and i think i may need some sort of counselling - I miss someone very very much and i cant stop wanting to know how she is - it drives me crazy - i dream of her - and i think about her every bloody day - i suppose posting pictures of her here doesnt help - maybe the picture i have of her at home should be "archived" again - Maybe this is just a dip in form - i cant remember being so shit at chatting to women - I have no confidence in myself at all - at work, my sales are shit - NO-body rings me to go out - the only fun i get is to go clubbing with Random - and if i didnt have that i think i would be history by now....
So SS finally made an effort and called about the disc - i beleive she will find it and get it back to MH - I hope he understands i cant go and meet her to get it - hopefully she might get my chain back too .. o god welling up again ... had enough now - i think u get the jist of things .....
Maybe its time to pull my socks up again and roll that dice - cheer up Sy - hugging urself does help a little - even if it is pathetic i dont care .. its all i have