Friday, January 07, 2005

Head fuck

O good god - im here again ... im such an easy bastard to hurt - I dont get it - I seem to read into things that just arnt there - why o why did i think for ONE minute flat that SS would wanna see me on the weekend - I didnt ask but then nor did she - After our actions last night i think i should go back to plan A - its all well and fine being friends but when that friendship seems - well - one sided it doesnt work - Am i that bad to be with - NO -

So here i am 5.30 Friday night - NO plans AT ALL for the weekend - i dont know what i am going to do - I was fine when i thought id never see her again - I could see a light at the end of the tunnel - It made me feel alive and good - i could envisige someone NEW someone who could give me what i need - BUT i choose to stay friends with the one person who cant give me what i want - and by the sounds of it - will never -

Im going to go for a few beers with the lads from work - see whats about and put my famous cheeky chat on .... it worked over christmas didnt it ! famous last words i suppose - I have to concentrate on not wondering what SS is doing - Shes not going to be thinking what im doing is she ..... not even a second thought .....

Im history im afraid - time i woke up and did something about it ...

see you Monday monkees

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