Saturday, January 31, 2004

cooking links

Posted by Awallafashagba at 13:52

Goatse - Goatse.cx - Wikipedia

Tribute to Goatse.cx (index of /fun/goatse/)

goatse.cx used to be the best shock site in the world until it was abusively shut down. This page is a tribute to this amazing piece of Internet folklore. Learn more about goatse on Wikipedia. Also, see a mirror on http://www.goatse.org/mirror/ (warning: explicit content).

The following pictures and animations have been taken here and there on the Internet. I have not yet given proper credit to the various authors, but this will come when I have some time. Enjoy.

Also, it kinda spoils the fun, but you can view the thumbnailed version of this page.

Real-life goatse material

Goatse food:

Real life goatse displays:

Fans doing their own goatse:

Goatse artwork:

Movie appearances:

Video games appearances:

Unfortunate design:

Real life stuff supposed to evocate goatse:

Unfortunate logos:

Goatse toys:

Digital creations

Cartoons:

Famous and infamous people:

Totally unknown people:

The goatse picture digitally added in various images:

Parts of the goatse picture digitally added in various images:

Non-pornographic fakes:

Totally weird stuff that I do not fully understand:

Various goatse-related digital creations:

These artwork images refer to goatse.cx without actually depicting anything shocking:

Misc

Flash animations and games:

Additional goatse material:

Other shock sites:

Press reports




  • Goatse article in The Scotsman



    • Goatse.cx

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

    Jump to: navigation, search

    Goatse.cx (pronounced "goat see," "goats," "goatsex," "goat say/seh", or "goat see dot cx", often truncated to goatse, often referenced by one of its current URLs) is one of the most infamous Internet shock sites and well-known Internet memes. Its front page contains a sexually explicit picture, hello.jpg, featuring a man wearing a gold ring on his left hand (and nothing else) manually stretching his anus and rectum to a diameter roughly equal to the width of his hand. Below his gaping anus, the man's dangling penis and testicles are visible. The site is commonly linked to by Internet trolls in order to shock unsuspecting users with the image.

    As of January 14, 2004, the domain goatse.cx is no longer online. However, many mirrors of the site are still available and the image itself has been posted at many other websites. The most common mirror was goat.cx; however, goat.cx was no longer online as of February 22, 2005. As of February 27 of that year, the domain goat.cx, like goatse.cx, had been suspended by the Christmas Island Internet Administration, however the domain as of April 2005 appeared to be back online, showing only the message "be right back." In May 2005, there was an image on the site showing a pumpkin with some hands around it as if it was stretching its anus. Christmas Island Technology Corp has registered goats.cx as of May 24, 2002 with obviously nonexistent name servers, presumably in an attempt to prevent another mirror of the original goatse.cx. In July 2005, goats.cx displayed the text "SIRS! WE HAVE A PROBLEM! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO GOATS.CX!".

    The three mirrors that most closely resemble the original are currently at http://goatse.rubmyballs.net/, http://goatse.ragingfist.net/ and http://www.pr0ny.com/goatse/, all of which are entirely complete. Three other similar but incomplete mirrors are http://goatse.ca/, http://goatse.freespaces.com/ and http://www.notgoatse.com/, although none have the Giver, Contrib or Feedback sections. The second of the three has links to four other shock sites — Tubgirl, Harlequin Fetus, Lemonparty, and Loopback — whilst the latter links go to the website http://goat.cx/.

    The Internet Archive has the original site preserved as it was before it was shut down. [1] Please be aware that all of these sites contain graphic images.

    Contents

    [hide]

    Etymology


    The intended meaning of the site's name is not known for certain. It is commonly interpreted as a word play on the phrase "goat sex", although no goats are involved anywhere on the site.

    It has been claimed that prior to hello.jpg, Goatse.cx contained a picture of a woman being anally penetrated by a goat. This is incorrect. The alt attribute on the image, "stinger", actually comes from the EFNet #quake channel. The image itself was discovered on a webpage called members.xoom.com/stinger (it was removed and placed in members.xoom.com/_stinger). Goatse.cx was created by a #quake member expressly for the purpose of displaying the image.

    The Internet Archive only lists versions of the Goatse.cx site as far back as March, 1999, at which point hello.jpg was already being used.

    Others believe that goatse is actually an acronym for "Guy Opens Ass To Show Everyone", with the usage of the ".cx" TLD being purely coincidental. This is likely a backronym.

    Also, a member of another EFNet channel who, tired of the channel being mistaken for a warez channel, began sending hello.jpg to those who requested pirated software, renaming it appropriately to what was requested. Around this same time, members of that channel were also taking advantage of the free domain registration offered by the newly-online Christmas Islands NIC (.cx), many of whom played on the phonetic resemblance of "se.cx" to "sex".

    It was then that one of this channel's operators put hello.jpg on one of such domains, to facilitate easier and more effective shocks by replying to such requests with something like "see http://goatse.cx for all your cracks/warez needs."


     


    Identity of the "Goatse Man"

    A series of pictures by a man identified as Kirk Johnson contain the precursor images to hello.jpg and some following. At this point, it is highly likely that Kirk Johnson is the "Goatse Man." Kirk Johnson is a regular poster to the newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.anal, among others, and a rather simple analysis confirms this; it is unlikely that there is another practitioner of anal stretching with the same mole on the upper-left edge of his anus. Furthermore, both the gap.zip (see below) pictures and Kirk Johnson's pictures show the same large yellow buttplug being used.

    He has been given many nicknames by various Internet communities, including "The Goatse Guy", "Goatse Man", "G-Man", "Matt", "Narayan", "Assman", "Cavanah", "Bob Goatse", "The Ass Pirate" "Mr G.", "The Goatman", "The Receiver", "Stinger" (hello.jpg was originally passed around on IRC as _stinger.jpg, with the intent of prodding an op), "Gatasa", "Gman", "Goatsemon", "The Ass that started it All", "Ken Branca", "Goatse", "Gaping Ass Man", "Gay Byrne", "Señor Goatse", "Fuuma Monou", "MVG", "Cashy", "DJ Mandella" and many others.

    Some have speculated that "he" is actually a hermaphrodite, and may be pulling open his vagina. However, the rest of the images in the series are unambiguously male. An interview with a man who shows similar elasticity can be found at: http://www.bmezine.com/news/people/A20210/plp56/index.html [Be advised, this site also contains graphic images]


     


    Organization

    Goatse.cx had four sections, three of which have images of questionable taste:

    • The "Receiver" section, showing the aforementioned hello.jpg. Hello.jpg has the alt= attribute "stinger". Before the picture is the text in black, "The goatse.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning! So.. if you are under the age of 18 or find this photograph offensive, please don't look at it. Thank you!" It also has links to http://www.dolphinsex.org/ and http://www.urinalpoop.org/. It once had a link to http://www.biganal.com/ (all of which are now occupied by cybersquatters). This text is not a sincere warning in the minds of some, as hello.jpg is very close to it. The text below hello.jpg reads, "IMPORTANT NOTE: There are many merchandising attempts for goatse.cx around the web-- none of them are real, none of them are official. Do not buy this gimmick merchandise. The official goatse.cx merchandise is coming soon!" The title of this page is "Eh".
    • The "Giver" section, showing a picture (giver.jpg) of a man reclining in an orange convertible (later versions show him on a yacht or speedboat of some kind, with ocean or river waves in the background). He has an oversized penis which reaches up to his chest. The length and girth of mentioned penis is exaggeratedly anatomically disproportionate to the rest of the man's body; the photo shows obvious signs of being "photoshopped" or otherwise graphically altered for shock value and/or humor. The title of this page is "Whoa". The whole website contains an anal sex joke: either that the Giver will be able to insert his oversized penis into the Receiver; or that the Giver's oversized genitals are responsible for the Receiver's condition.
    • The "Feedback" section, where e-mails are exhibited.
    • The "Contrib" section showcasing visitor contributions to the site. Contrib has additional variations of hello.jpg and giver.jpg, as well as other images and files. The title of this page is "Contributed Work". Warning: The page begins with an ASCII version of hello.jpg.
      • bush.jpg is a picture of United States President George W. Bush, calling someone on a telephone in his office, with hello.jpg displayed on a laptop computer on his desk.
      • collage-holyzoo.jpg is a collage of faces of different people affiliated with holyzoo.com and thinkattack.com, and a closeup on the gaping anus of the man in hello.jpg. The image contains the text "Special Thanks for being there for a laugh. From your friends at http://holyzoo.com and... http://THINKATTACK.com"
      • goatse-wwii.jpg is a picture of a large snowball, with "goatse.cx" written on the side, chasing Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and Hideki Tojo.
      • giver2.jpg is a picture of the Goatse giver holding his oversized penis.
      • magiceye.jpg is a Magic Eye picture. After about 16 seconds, the image changes to that of a 256 color version of hello.jpg. It attempts to fool viewers by exploiting the fact that, although the server sends a MIME type stating the filename is a JPEG image, the image is in fact an animated GIF.
      • warning.jpg is a warning sign picture telling people not to go to goatse.cx
      • goatsex.swf is a Flash Movie, set to the hook from "MMMBop" by Hanson. The movie shows a large dildo being inserted into the anus of the man posing in hello.jpg. The background is from another gap.zip picture, gap8.jpg.
      • Goatman.mp3 is an mp3 Music file. It takes up 518 KB.
      • Foxy_goatse.mp3 is another mp3 music file, a parody of the Jimi Hendrix song Foxy Lady. It takes up 1061 KB.
      • goatsecx-winamp.zip is a ZIP file containing a Winamp skin, depicting hello.jpg. It takes up 313 KB.
      • hello.mpg is a movie, first showing the text "HI" on a black background, followed by shots of gap.zip pictures. At the end of the movie, the following text appears next to a picture of a teenage boy:
        "http://www.goatse.cx
        The goatse.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning! So.. if you are under the age of 18 or find this photograph offensive, please don't look at it. Thank you!"

    People sometimes link to goatse.cx images not shown on the actual webpages, such as loopback.jpg, a picture of a man looping his penis into his anus. There are also numerous other files in the directory http://www.goatse.cx/contrib/.

    The image hello.jpg originates from a set of 40 images depicting the man performing various anal sexual acts. In those images, the man used dildos and butt plugs to stretch his anus. The images were located by Stile Project and are also available from the "Contrib" section of the goatse.cx website under the filename gap.zip. hello.jpg is the third file in the archive, gap3.jpg.


     


    Geographic location

    The site uses the .cx country code, which is the top-level domain of Christmas Island, whose operators will not disclose registrants' personal information. They have recently suspended the site. The actual server of Goatse.cx is not located on Christmas Island, but in the United States and is owned by Hick.org, which is a website about computer programming and bathroom humor. The Hick.org domain was registered by Matt Miller in Overland Park, Kansas. Both Goatse.cx and Hick.org originate from the same IP address; the server is located in the Kansas City, Missouri metro-region. Goat.cx, a mirror of Goatse.cx, is located in the Dallas, Texas metro-region.


     


    Parodies and tributes

    Snopes says that the front cover of the September 20, 2004 issue of Time magazine is seen by some to look suspiciously like hello.jpg
    Enlarge
    Snopes says that the front cover of the September 20, 2004 issue of Time magazine is seen by some to look suspiciously like hello.jpg

    Because many frequent Internet users have been tricked into viewing the site at one time or another, it has become something of an Internet-wide in-joke. As such, hello.jpg and the other images on the site are common subjects of parodies and tributes.

    • The 8 Phases of Goatse
    • Pelord Goatse- A Family Safe Goatse Parody Image
    • Goatse Clan
    • The following two parodies are hosted on Yahoo! Geocities.
      • http://www.geocities.com/electabuzz2002/lite.htm - Was originally like the Goatse.cx receiver section, but with hello.jpg replaced by the ASCII version found in the "Contrib" section of Goatse.cx. It has since been changed so that the "Receiver" and "Giver" are replaced by crude line drawings.
      • http://www.geocities.com/internetgoat/ - This website has the Goatse warning, and fake links, as well as a link to this webpage, with the words "Thanks for the hits!"
    • The following parodies all originate from the same IP address, hosted in the Houston, Texas metro-region:
      • Oralse.cx - The "Pussy" hello.jpg is that of a kitten, and the "Wiener" giver.jpg is that of a dachshund. Oralse.cx also has a "Contrib" section of more shots of the cat and the dog, as well as modified versions of the aforementioned pictures. It also had a "Feedback" section with its own letters.
      • http://analse.cx/ - This site has bunny.gif, which is a picture of bunch of cartoon rabbits, each with a pancake on its head, who open their anuses in imitation of hello.jpg. The title of the page is "GoatsePancakeBunnyDance". A song called "bunny.mid" plays on the site, a version of "The Girl from Ipanema". The string "Now this is something I just don't get. - Matthew 11:42" (Matthew 11 only has 30 verses) is seen in the source code. This site is also a spoof of The Hamster Dance and Oolong the rabbit.
    • In the tradition of oralse.cx and throatse.cx, "anti-shock" (sites that imitate shock/curiosity websites but do not feature objectionable content), has become an Internet trolling phenomenon where people advertise non-shock sites as containing pornographic or shocking matter. Commonly, the actual website linked-to is an image of a family pet, a recipe for sugar cookies, or the Olsen twins' website.
    • Trollse.cx - a parody of the front page of goatse.cx, replacing the original picture with a picture of open source figure Eric S. Raymond, wearing a Unix shirt photoshopped to say LUnix. The giver section has a cartoon of two men, a still frame from Jeff K's animation satirizing Linux users and game designer Cliffy B. One of them is clothed and sitting down in a chair. His oversized penis is bulging through the crotch of his red pants. In the background are pictures of Something Awful characters Cliff Yablonski and JeffK. The "contrib" only has an ascii picture of Raymond. This website is hosted in the Washington, DC metro-region. The site links to Slashdot and Slashnet. The site also links to cowse.cx, which is advertised as "coming soon." Cowse.cx currently simply displays the word "moo".
    • http://comedy.allinfoabout.com/goatse.html - A flash file that exhibits several Goatse parodies.
    • http://sam.zoy.org/fun/goatse/ - A gallery of Goatse parody pictures. Warning: The first page is not pornographic, but it contains links to pornographic and disturbing variations on hello.jpg
    • http://conese.ath.cx/ - A re-enactment of hello.jpg using an ordinary traffic cone. Non-pornographic.
    • http://forge.evula.net/fc/fc_goatse.jpg - An altered Family Circus comic
    • http://www.redcoat.net/pics/couldsecx.jpg - A picture of the sky pulling a hello.jpg
    • Goatse t-shirt - by Threadless, a company that prints user-submitted designs.
    • http://www.digitaldfw.com/uberzine/hax.asp?clip=32 - A video showing two young men in the background of a newscast with a sign that says "Goatse."
    • http://www.cadaverine.net/misc/hello.jpg - An altered hello.jpg, showing the face of cartoon dragon blocking the man's anus
    • http://www.cellosoft.com/nash/garbage/photos/simonb-goatse.jpg - A picture of a teenage boy doing a Goatse pose. The photo has the goatse anus doctored onto the seat of the boy's pants.
    • http://web.archive.org/web/20010305142500/http://www.conhugeco.org/goatse.cx - Neo Goatse.cx, which has two sections - The Effect, which shows a picture of a man with a prolapsed rectum, and The Cause, which shows a pair of gap.zip pictures, the first depicting the Goatse man sitting on a large butt plug, the second with a pair of dildos inserted into his anus. The site now states: "Sorry... My web hosting company decided that a man pulling his ass apart wasn't appropriate content."
    • http://goat.se/cx - features a photograph (oogabooga.jpg) of a cat with its tail raised, showing its anus. There are no further pictures or links. The URL of this site is one of two possible URLs containing only the text of the original goatse.cx, the other URL being the unavailable http://go.at/secx.
    • http://www.xcesta.org - features a reversed version of hello.jpg (looking out from the man's anus instead of into it) for the "Receiver" section. The site's name comes from a reversal of the Goatse.cx domain - reversed, Goatse.cx would be Xcesta.og, though the site uses ".org" because there is no such TLD as ".og". The inside of the 'anus' in the picture is actually an undoctored photo of the inside of a cave, something this parody's author claims reflects on the mind's ability to conclude based on assumptions.
    • http://goatse.biz/ - A "PG-rated" goatse tribute lacking any pictures, only displaying the text, "".
    • blog.jackola.net and http://www.timese.cx feature parody versions of The 20th September 2004 cover of Time Magazine, which look similar to goatse even before the parodies were made.
    • http://www.evilscheme.org/defcon/ - A gallery of censored goatse images being shown to people.
    • Snopes.com has an article, "The Hands of God", about an image of a cloud formation that looks suspiciously like the Goatse.cx photo.
    • http://www.bananase.cx - Contains a (non-pornographic) cartoon of a young boy with a large banana inserted through his anus. These cartoons are modeled after or taken directly from Viz, a British comic book.
    "Temple of Goatse", a map for the Quake 2 mod Gloom, features a version of goatse.
    Enlarge
    "Temple of Goatse", a map for the Quake 2 mod Gloom, features a version of goatse.
    • [http://mattsteg.homeunix.com/albums/familyguy/fg_stewie_pigey.jpg] - A Family Guy screenshot showing Stewie with a doll of a female pig. If the user direct-links to the image, the goatse image may be superimposed on the lower right corner of the image.
    • Xbo.cx, which used to have the Goatse.cx image altered so that it looks as if the man is covering his anus with a Microsoft Xbox, and with a Xbox controller covering his penis and testicles. The page was titled "The Butcher". Others were "The Baker", which was "The Butcher" but with an Atari 2600 in place of the Xbox, and "The Candlestick Maker", which had the Goatse.cx giver with a joystick in place of the oversized penis. The "feedback" button leads to a mailto to gimps@r33t.org. "Hate" leads to a "What would Santa do?" thread on the r33t.org internet forums. And the r33t.org link links to the said website, which has a "Communist" theme. The website has been taken down due to the lease expiring, and was hosted in the Auckland, New Zealand metro-region. The Xbox picture (though not the Atari 2600 or the joystick) can be viewed at http://web.archive.org/web/20020526122729/www.xbo.cx/. Currently, http://www.xbo.cx has become a commercial Xbox modding site.
    • http://home.comcast.net/~nameatdotcom/goatsetime.jpg - An altered version of a Time magazine cover
    • http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/andrespictures/someonegoatseswithtime.jpg - A picture of a person with his trousers down holding a TIME magazine with the cover facing the camera over his buttocks.
    • http://img96.exs.cx/img96/2517/eww7qa.jpg - A picture showing the back of the goatse man (but not the offensive parts of him), with several kittens where the rest of the goatse picture would normally be. The text "ewww!!" is above the kittens and below the top part of the goatse image.
    • http://www.clitoros.org/snpcff3/rom - A low-brow ROM hack of Super Mario Bros. 3 which contains several references to goatse.
    • http://www.gorkalimotxo.net/mt/img2004-01/goatse.jpg - A digitally altered picture showing a Spanish woman speaking at a podium. The podium has the text "Goatse.cx el ministero va de culo" written on it.
    Goatse.cx featured for the final objective in an Unreal Tournament 2004 assault level.
    Enlarge
    Goatse.cx featured for the final objective in an Unreal Tournament 2004 assault level.
    • Duffse.cx A page identical to goatse, except there is a Macromedia Flash Tetris based game instead of the Goatse image. the text instead reads "The tetrise.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning! So.. if you are under the age of 18 or find this photograph offensive, please don't look at it. Thank you!"
    • Some have considered Sheela_Na_Gig to be a 1,000-year-old foremother of goatse.
    • Unreal Tournament 2004 featured an assault level for which the final objective was to move the Hellbender through the Goatse.cx anus.
    • The humorous, online role-playing game Kingdom of Loathing features a tribute while fighting a Spam Witch - "She shows you a picture of her pet goat. 'This is my goat, see?' she says. Dear god, the horror."
    • Australian ISP Westnet's logo seems to bear some resemblance to goatse: [2]
    • One college student's tribute in cd form [3]
    • Goatee.cjb.net is an anti-shock site featuring a goatee in place of the reciver. The giver is replaced with a picture of a kitten with a drawn-on beard.

     


    External links

    Warning! Many of the links below contain the same images found on Goatse.cx.
    Posted by Awallafashagba at 12:44
    - HAPPY SLAP KILLER: DOOMED YOUTH
    - SIR IAN BLAIR: SORRY EXCUSE
    - DING DONG.. AVON COPS TO THE RESCUE
    - EXCLUSIVE: VICTIMS TO GET 'SCHOOL REPORTS' ON CRIMINALS
    - LIVERPOOL STAR CISSE ATTACKS PREGNANT WIFE
    - CLUB VICTIM: I WISH I'D DIED
    - GATES GIVES £340MILLION TO STOP TB DEATHS
    - 5 IN OAPS' DEATH QUIZ
    - OCEANS FIVE
    - EXCLUSIVE: FROM BONNIE CHILD STAR TO ICE QUEEN
    - HUGHES: WE CAN WIN BY LANDSLIDE
    - BOMB BID: AID CHARGE
    - GREG'S BABY JOY
    - LEFT FOR DEAD BY GRINNING HIT & RUN SPEEDER
    - SAILOR LOST FOR 4 DAYS
    - PROPERTY CRASH FEAR
    - PEOPLE
    - COPS' OWN MEDIA 'BIAS'
    - FURY OVER 'KILLER' RAIL SIGNAL OK
    - 100 EXTRA PLACES FOR DENTISTS
    - SHOT GIRL: MAN ON REMAND
    - EXCLUSIVE: THE IBOOT
    - MOON RACE 2
    - READY, PREZZY, ..OW!
    - RAP SOLID ARGUMENT
    - FILE SHARE WEB BLOW
    - MISERY OF BLIND GIRL
    - DEBT LAD IN SUICIDE
    - EXCLUSIVE: RED TAPE BLOCKS BONE MARROW OP
    - POLLYOMETER
    - AND THE WINNER IS.. LOVE
    - GALLOWAY RETURNS TO HIS PUBLIC
    - EXCLUSIVE: ACID PETE OFFERED TV TALK SHOWS
    - FREE FLIPPER
    - AFGHAN AID FOR TROOPS
    - PALTROW RAPS GIRL BOOZERS
    - KATE IN ESCAPE TO ALPS
    Posted by Awallafashagba at 11:11

    Monday, January 19, 2004

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    Posted by Awallafashagba at 14:05

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    Posted by Awallafashagba at 13:27

    Saturday, January 10, 2004

    Posted by Awallafashagba at 17:27

    Monday, January 05, 2004

    This Is the Title of This Story,

    This Is the Title of This Story,
    Which Is Also Found Several Times in the Story Itself

    David Moser

    This is the first sentence of this story. This is the second sentence. This is the title of this story, which is also found several times in the story itself. This sentence is questioning the intrinsic value of the first two sentences. This sentence is to inform you, in case you haven't already realized it, that this is a self-referential story, that is, a story containing sentences that refer to their own structure and function. This is a sentence that provides an ending to the first paragraph.

    This is the first sentence of a new paragraph in a self-referential story. This sentence is introducing you to the protagonist of the story, a young boy named Billy. This sentence tells you that Billy is blond and blue-eyed and American and twelve years old and strangling his mother. This sentence comments on the awkward nature of the self-referential narrative form while recognizing the strange and playful detachment it affords the writer. As if illustrating the point made by the last sentence, this sentence reminds us, with no trace of facetiousness, that children are a precious gift from God and that the world is a better place when graced by the unique joys and delights they bring to it.

    This sentence describes Billy's mother's bulging eyes and protruding tongue and makes reference to the unpleasant choking and gagging noises she's making. This sentence makes the observation that these are uncertain and difficult times, and that relationships, even seemingly deep-rooted and permanent ones, do have a tendency to break down.

    Introduces, in this paragraph, the device of sentence fragments. A sentence fragment. Another. Good device. Will be used more later.

    This is actually the last sentence of this story but has been placed here by mistake. This is the title of this story, which is also found several times within the story itself. As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself in his bed transformed into a gigantic insect. This sentence informs you that the preceding sentence is from another story entirely (a better one, it must be noted) and has no place at all in this particular narrative. Despite the claims of the preceding sentence, this sentence feels compelled to inform you that the story you are reading is in actuality ``The Metamorphosis'' by Franz Kafka, and that the sentence referred to by the preceding sentence is the only sentence which does indeed belong to the story. This sentence overrides the preceding sentence by informing the reader (poor, confused wretch) that this piece of literature is actually the Declaration of Independence, but that the author, in a show of extreme negligence (if not malicious sabotage), has so far failed to include even one single sentence from that stirring document, although he has condescended to use a small sentence fragment, namely, ``When in the course of human events,'' embedded in quotation marks near the end of a sentence. Showing a keen awareness of the boredom and downright hostility of the average reader with regard to the pointless conceptual games indulged in by the preceding sentences, this sentence returns us at last to the scenario of the story by asking the question, ``Why is Billy strangling his mother?'' This sentence attempts to shed some light on the question posed by the preceding sentence but fails. This sentence, however, succeeds, in that it suggests a possible incestuous relationship between Billy and his mother and alludes to the concomitant Freudian complications an astute reader will immediately envision. Incest. The unspeakable taboo. The universal prohibition. Incest. And notice the sentence fragments? Good literary device. Will be used more later.

    This sentence is the first sentence in a new paragraph. This is the last sentence in a new paragraph.

    This sentence can serve as either the beginning of the paragraph or the end, depending on its placement. This is the title of this story, which is also found several times in the story itself. This sentence raises a serious objection to the entire class of self-referential sentences that merely comment on their own function or placement within the story (e.g., the preceding four sentences), on the grounds that they are monotonously predictable, unforgivably self-indulgent, and merely serve to distract the reader from the real subject of this story, which at this point seems to concern strangulation and incest and who knows what other delightful topics. The purpose of this sentence is to point out that the preceding sentence, while not itself a member of the class of self-referential sentences it objects to, nevertheless also serves merely to distract the reader from the real subject of this story, which actually concerns Gregor Samsa's inexplicable transformation into a gigantic insect (despite the vociferous counterclaims of other well-meaning although misinformed sentences). This sentence can serve as either the beginning of the paragraph or the end, depending on its placement.

    This is the title of this story, which is also found several times in the story itself. This is almost the title of this story, which is found only once in the story itself. This sentence regretfully states that up to this point the self-referential mode of narrative has had a paralyzing effect on the actual progress of the story itself---that is, these sentences have been so concerned with analyzing themselves and their role in the story that they have failed by and large to perform their function as communicators of events and ideas that one hopes coalesce into a plot, character development, etc.---in short, the very raisons d'être of any respectable, hardworking sentence in the midst of a piece of compelling prose fiction. This sentence in addition points out the obvious analogy between the plight of these agonizingly self-aware sentences and similarly afflicted human beings, and it points out the analogous paralyzing effects wrought by excessive and tortured self-examination.

    The purpose of this sentence (which can also serve as a paragraph) is to speculate that if the Declaration of Independence had been worded and structured as lackadaisically and incoherently as this story has been so far, there's no telling what kind of warped libertine society we'd be living in now or to what depths of decadence the inhabitants of this country might have sunk, even to the point of deranged and debased writers constructing irritatingly cumbersome and needlessly prolix sentences that sometimes possess the questionable if not downright undesirable quality of referring to themselves and they sometimes even become run-on sentences or exhibit other signs of inexcusably sloppy grammar like unneeded superfluous redundancies that almost certainly would have insidious effects on the lifestyle and morals of our impressionable youth, leading them to commit incest or even murder and maybe that's why Billy is strangling his mother, because of sentences just like this one, which have no discernible goals or perspicuous purpose and just end up anywhere, even in mid

    Bizarre. A sentence fragment. Another fragment. Twelve years old. This is a sentence that. Fragmented. And strangling his mother. Sorry, sorry. Bizarre. This. More fragments. This is it. Fragments. The title of this story, which. Blond. Sorry, sorry. Fragment after fragment. Harder. This is a sentence that. Fragments. Damn good device.

    The purpose of this sentence is threefold: (1) to apologize for the unfortunate and inexplicable lapse exhibited by the preceding paragraph; (2) to assure you, the reader, that it will not happen again; and (3) to reiterate the point that these are uncertain and difficult times and that aspects of language, even seemingly stable and deeply rooted ones such as syntax and meaning, do break down. This sentence adds nothing substantial to the sentiments of the preceding sentence but merely provides a concluding sentence to this paragraph, which otherwise might not have one.

    This sentence, in a sudden and courageous burst of altruism, tries to abandon the self-referential mode but fails. This sentence tries again, but the attempt is doomed from the start.

    This sentence, in a last ditch attempt to infuse some iota of story line into this paralyzed prose piece, quickly alludes to Billy's frantic cover-up attempts, followed by a lyrical, touching, and beautifully written passage, wherein Billy is reconciled with his father (thus resolving the subliminal Freudian conflicts obvious to any astute reader) and a final exciting police chase scene during which Billy is accidentally shot and killed by a panicky rookie policeman who is coincidentally named Billy. This sentence, although basically in complete sympathy with the laudable efforts of the preceding action-packed sentence, reminds the reader that such allusions to a story that doesn't, in fact, yet exist are no substitute for the real thing and therefore will not get the author (indolent goof-off that he is) off the proverbial hook.

    Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph. Paragraph.

    The purpose. Of this paragraph. Is to apologize. For its gratuitous use. Of. Sentence fragments. Sorry.

    The purpose of this sentence is to apologize for the pointless and silly adolescent games indulged in by the preceding two paragraphs, and to express regret on the part of us, the more mature sentences, that the entire tone of this story is such that it can't seem to communicate a simple, albeit sordid, scenario.

    This sentence wishes to apologize for all the needless apologies found in this story (this one included), which, although placed here ostensibly for the benefit of the more vexed readers, merely delay in a maddeningly recursive way the continuation of the by-now nearly forgotten story line.

    This sentence is bursting at the punctuation marks with news of the dire import of self-reference as applied to sentences, a practice that could prove to be a veritable Pandora's box of potential havoc, for if a sentence can refer or allude to itself, why not a lowly subordinate clause, perhaps this very clause? Or this sentence fragment? Or three words? Two words? One?

    Perhaps it is appropriate that this sentence gently and with no trace of condescension remind us that these are indeed difficult and uncertain times and that in general people just aren't nice enough to each other, and perhaps we, whether sentient human beings or sentient sentences, should just try harder. I mean, there is such a thing as free will, there has to be, and this sentence is proof of it! Neither this sentence nor you, the reader, is completely helpless in the face of all the pitiless forces at work in the universe. We should stand our ground, face facts, take Mother Nature by the throat and just try harder. By the throat. Harder. Harder, harder.

    Sorry.

    This is the title of this story, which is also found several times in the story itself.

    This is the last sentence of the story. This is the last sentence of the story. This is the last sentence of the story. This is.

    Sorry.

    Posted by Awallafashagba at 12:38
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    Awallafashagba
    Well, in short - it's news and thoughts from my life with my gorgeous Kelly and Stan. Anything gets written about if it matters enough on the minute that I blog it. (all care is taken to remove identity of those not wanting to be identified - and just about anything goes!)
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